Despite my grand declaration of "having a plan" in my April 5th blog, within less than 24 hours of posting that, the plan was but a mere memory as I let my frustrations completely overwhelm me and foolishly decided not to give a crap for the entire week. While merely out of habit I still hit the gym, I didn't track a single day's food and didn't deny myself anything I felt I deserved, including my old nemesis Hot & Spicy Cheez-Its. Honestly, it's the closest I've ever come to going off the deep end and there's no doubt about it, a shadow of my former self was present the entire week. Kind-of scary to think about how easily it can all be reversed despite almost two years of practice. 
At yesterday's weigh-in, I decided since I was going to gain anyway, I might as well take the opportunity to switch to a new weigh-in outfit. Like most loyal Weight Watchers, I have an outfit (i.e. The lightest combination of clothes I could find in my closet) that I wear to my meeting each week. For me, that amounts to a t-shirt and pajama bottoms that hopefully passed for real pants, but in all likelihood didn't. Lots of members wear strange outfits to WW meetings so I never felt conspicuous there, but I usually go grocery shopping afterwards so I'd often bring a pair of jeans to change into. Lately, however, I've been forgoing the tedious task of schlepping extra clothes to my meeting and started shopping in my weigh-in outfit instead. I never saw any curious looks cast my way while cruising down the aisles, but I shop at Walmart, a place that has an entire website devoted to the oddball fashions of their patrons, so I guess my PJ bottoms were pretty tame in comparison. Despite this fact, I was never comfortable being out in public in this outfit and didn't want to return to bringing extra clothes to my meeting, so yesterday I ditched my super light pants and donned a pair of jeans instead. Of course like any good Weight Watcher, I weighed the two pants on the food scale to compare the difference in order to see what kind of damage the jeans would inflict on the real scale. I'm nothing if not neurotic. Anyway, I gained 2.4 pounds with about 1.2 pounds attributed to the extra weight of the jeans.
I've had three gains in a row now, which in my almost 23 months on Weight Watchers has never happened, but here's the cool thing.... Despite knowing I was going to gain and regardless of my disappointment and shame, I still went to my meetings and faced the scale. Believe me, I didn't want too. In fact, the second week I had decided to skip but changed my mind at the last second, showing up to the meeting 15 minutes late and insanely proud of myself. What would be the point of skipping anyway? Because of my home scale, I already knew I had gained so the only purpose skipping my official weigh-in would serve is to make me feel absolutely rotten about breaking a promise to myself. I started this journey with the vow that I would never purposefully miss a weigh-in and to this very day, I have stayed true to that promise. I continue to be very proud of that fact.
So far today I'm doing well, staying on program and making healthy choices. At this very minute, I feel totally in control but I am well aware that this can change on a dime. I remind myself daily to be extraordinarily grateful for every single wise decision I make because I know that as long as my good choices outnumber my bad, I will continue to progress. I may stumble from time to time, but I will never, ever allow myself to fall. Yet another important promise to myself that I plan on never reneging.
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