November Rain

For whatever reason, Webs.com decided to reformat the month in reviews on my website and completely destroyed the aesthetics of the page so in a fit of "I hate Webs.com" rage, I deleted that section of my site and have decided to do my monthly updates here instead. Take that, Webs.com! As if they care....

November started off really well with a 2.2 pound loss on the 2nd but then quickly went down hill from there. During the first full week of the month I was way off program and went to my Weight Watchers meeting expecting a significant gain. To my surprise, I actually lost 0.4 pounds, which helped me begin the week with renewed vigor.

The next seven days went really well. Not great, but good nonetheless and I stepped on the scale with high hopes only to find that I had maintained. Maintained?!! I guess that saying about "you always get the weigh-in you deserve, just not always the week you deserve it" is indeed true. Humph. In any case, it was obvious that the gain I had earned the prior week manifested itself as a maintain the following weigh-in by cancelling out the loss I deserved.

So the new week began on a sour note, but as always I tried to view it as a fresh start. Unfortunately my Pollyanna attitude lasted all of two days and on Thursday (I weigh in on Tuesdays) I had my first honest-to-goodness binge in my 1 ½ years on Weight Watchers. What set me off? I truly have no idea, but the physical binge lasted about four hours while the mental effects of it stayed with me much longer. I tried to pull it together the remaining four days before weigh-in and typically started out the day just fine, but always found myself giving up by the afternoon. I don't believe I did single full day of tracking during that time. I did, however, do a half-hearted attempt at self-monitoring and hit the gym for my regular workout three days and so that semi-botched week translated to a 0.4 pound gain. Not bad considering the situation, but still a disappointment.

I entered Thanksgiving week with little hope. I ate within my WW points on Tuesday and Wednesday and saved my weeklies for my Thanksgiving meal and to my credit, I controlled myself on Thanksgiving day and did really well with portions and food choices. Ultimately it was the leftovers that did me in. I ate leftovers on Friday, Saturday and Sunday and since I figured I couldn't save myself with just one day remaining before weigh-in, I decided to not even bother tracking on Monday. Once again I stepped on the scale to find a 0.4 pound gain. Could've been much worse, I guess?

I had five weigh-ins in the month of November and between the maintain and the gains, I ended up losing a total of 1.8 pounds. Worst. Month. Ever. Monthly total aside, what really disturbs me is how closely I resembled the "old me" in those final two weeks. Not the old "completely-out-of-control-eat-all-I-want-320-pound-me" but rather the "I'm-on-a-diet-320-pound-me." Does that make sense? During those weeks, I felt like a fat girl desperately struggling to lose weight rather than a person just trying to live my life healthfully. What's so upsetting about that is I know person #1 in that scenario is doomed to fail while person #2 will likely pull through and continue with the healthy habits that aid is weigh loss. In my 35 years of life, I've been that laboring girl on a diet more times than I can recall and I know all too well how that story ends.

November ended and we are now six days into December and I'm happy to report that person #2 has fully re-emerged. After a long stern talk with myself and a tearful confession of my fears to my husband, I jumped right back into the life I am now more accustom to and am 100% committed to healthy living once again. Does this mean I will no longer experience struggles during my weight loss journey? Of course not. Everyone has to cope with loss of control and the self-doubt it breeds from time to time and I'm no different. But having experienced this dark month and come out relatively unscathed, I'll now be more confident in my ability to pull through when weathering the next storm.

And of course, putting on my former clothes as a reminder of just how far I've come is a bit of a confidence boost as well.