To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

Last night I had a dream that I went to Carl's Jr. with a group of friends and old co-workers. This particular Carl's was unusually large and was packed with hundreds upon hundreds of people. After eating our meals (don't know exactly what I had, but I do know that it involved lots-o-fries) we got in the long, winding line to exit the building and that's when I suddenly realized that you had to be weighed before they allowed you to leave. And it wasn't a discreet weigh-in like at my Weight Watchers' meetings. Oh-no, there were large screens at every station that showed your weight to the entire room full of people, which included my friends, former co-workers and not to mention hundreds of what I imagined to be very critical strangers. Gulp! I started really regretting those fries at that point....

I guess the meaning behind that dream couldn't be more clear-cut, huh?

It does make me wonder though how many people would still frequent fast food restaurants if it meant having their actual weight disclosed to a bunch of people. Hmmmmmmmmm...I think the fast food industry would possibly tank if that were the case.

Then and Now

Before my breaking point, I used to wake in a panic right as I reached the edge of sleep when the knowledge of all the food I had eaten that day finally entered my conscience mind. My eyes would fly open and I would be consumed with dread as I recalled the three separate fast food joints I stopped at for lunch and was forced to acknowledge the thousands of greasy trans fat-laden calories I had devoured without a single second of thought. On those nights, "I'm killing myself with food" became my own macabre lullaby.

The other night, once again right at the edge of sleep, I awoke with a start. Only this time it was with the realization that I will never go back to being that sad, fearful and numb creature from my past and that my biggest fear, that of regaining the weight I have fought so hard to lose, is really nothing to fear at all. It is not an option and this me, the new me, will never allow it to happen. With this, I smiled and fell soundly asleep. No lullaby required.